Do
you have any particularly titillating, tantalizing
or terrifying female orgasm stories to share
with us and our readers? Have you encountered
issues concerning the female orgasm or sex,
and wish to enlighten others who may be experiencing
the same kind of problems? 8 years, a great sex life, and no orgasm
Excerpt from a comment left on "Males perspective" post:
me and my husband have been together 8 years and we have a great sex life.....But i am 31 years old and do not think i have ever cumed....And my husband tries everything and i get to a point to were i fell tingly and i give up...my husband would give anything for me to get off...but i dont know how....and not sure what it feels like.....what can i do?????
Posted by Anonymous, October 4, 2007 1:41 PM
posted by Candis Hale @ 12:31 PM
46 Comments:
Hello,
Candy here again. Well, you’re obviously feeling the pressure to orgasm and like most women you’re subconsciously thinking about the TIME it’s taking to do so. This pressure will keep you from truly being in the moment and experiencing the pleasure you deserve.
If you have never experienced an orgasm, you should practice masturbation, which can be a great way to know what pleases you. Learning about your own body can give you insight on how to get to the point of climaxing. Once you have achieved an orgasm on your own , you’ll have a better sense of what you need to get there. Your partner will appreciate the guidance you can then offer him in bed as you nudge him in the right direction.
Sometimes a little alcoholic beverage, like wine (let’s keep it romantic) or some foods that act as an aphrodisiac (chocolate, strawberries) can help you to relax enough during sex and allow yourself the ability to really be in the moment without all the day’s events on your mind.
I actually have to thank you for this post. It's made me realize that I don't have any pages on this very important subject. The topic of masturbation will be the focus of our next page on the femaleorgasmsecrets.com site in the coming weeks. I hope it will help you and others in your same situation.
Good Luck and remember it’s all about being in the moment!
Candis
Have your husband read my post "males perspective"..maybe there's something there that can help. Funny that men and women struggle with this issue. My best wishes- Do you and your hubby discuss fantasties, etc. My wife won't- it's 'dirty.' Be open to games, adult movies, anything that might get the creative juices flowing. Again- best wishes- I feel your pain! Fell free to comment on my post.
Candis you have to get the word out on this site- it's great!
Have you tried having a time together where time is of no concern and try having him please you as much as possible with the stated goal of not cumming? Then there is no pressure, no disappointment.
Want to buy a great little 'tool' with no embarrassment? Go to any drug store and buy a battery powered tooth brush and use that with some oils to massage your clitoris. You might be surprised. Try it alone if you need to- if it works ask your partner to try in with you.
Just an idea. (the 50 year old male)
My wife couldn't cum either at first. I did some research and found that this works. I lie her down and slowly open her legs. I kiss her inner thighs, lips, and inside her vagina. Then, I start to lick and suck her clitoris. The first time, she said she felt like peeing. Pee tastes almost like water when she drinks watter all day so, I told her that no matter what she felt like doing, just let it go. Well, she did, and it was not pee. She squirted, alot. All the man has to do is keep licking and sucking the clitoris, no matter how much you wiggle and jiggle, no matter how much you feel like peeing, let him lick the clit and you will squirt. All you have to do is let it go when you feel like something is going to happen. You won't pee if you pee before you begin. Sometimes, I can make my wife squirt in 5 min for a quickie. I like to just eat her out till my tongue hurts, my longest clitfest lasted almost 1 and a half hours. What I'm looking for is how to make her ooze white cum
Allow me to suggest the most simple sexual tool on the market, bought without embarrassment in even the smallest towns and trust me it works! The inexpensive power toothbrush. i used it on my wife in combination with caresses, and massages- she (though hesitant at first) loved it! It may be too much to actually touch the clit with or maybe not, but using it around it was enough for my wife! She was pleasantly suprised- works great for phone meetings, too. Call her up, talk softly, confidently and soothingly as she 'brushes', don't laugh til you try it!
just a thought.
As for the posting above this one- I'm not sure a woman can 'ooze white cum' unless a male left it there.
i too don't orgasm! I have had one, about 4 years ago so i know what it feels like (awesome) but despite my mans talents, I haven't had another! i can't seem to keep my mind from stressing about whether i'll have one or not - and the fact that I started to fake it (dumb move). here's what happens when I'm on my own tho and i'd lov some help to get through to the finish line: i use porn, dildo and finger stimulation and can get to the intense and wonderful 'rush'... but then my clit gets really sensitive and uncomfortable to touch, and the rush goes...without the 'pop' of an orgasm! this happens each time and most nights... so you can imagine how frustrated i am, getting to the edge, starting to cum... and then NOT! please help me get to the 'pop'. the rush is all i get... with my man, i have only achieved the rush twice because my head thinks too much...please help!!!!!!!!!!!!! practical step by step on the last bit from 'rush' to 'pop', and also how to keep my head put of bed! thanks..X
I am having exact problem too!! and its soooooo frustrating. Could someone please help us???
to the last 'anonymous' - do you mean you also get the rush and stop there? I have to add - I also get lovely pulses after too - and here's what I'm wondering - is this an orgasm - but just a different degree to the big one I had years ago that was a total rush/squeeze/pop/pulse/whole body experience? or is it just the start of a proper one and then I stop it with my stupid head getting in the way coz I can't stop thinking?! what do you think?
someone please help us out here...we are so dsperate to get answers we have gone searching online to get your help! :-)
interesting tho - the other comments posted here are from men - thanks for the tips guys, but girls - please get detailed for us coz YOU are the ones who know...
there is a vibrator called the water dancer, you can use it while you have sex or by yourelf. its cheap, small and superpowerful. it has the rabbit ear attachment and i would recommend that to any women to use by yourself or with someone. im not selling it i just know the frustration of not being able to orgasm. this thing is amazing. you just find the right spot on your clit and hold it there while you do anything else you want to do or have done to you. after you begin to be confortable with having orgasms you may be able to leave the toys alone too. and if you arent sure you ever had an orgasm then you never had.
I have the same problem of starting to have an O, then my clit gets very sensitive and the O fades away. I get that rush and then just as I'm getting to the top, it dissappears. (Don't get to the squeeze/pop/pulse/whole body thing. I've only gotten that a few times.) Afterwards, my clit is very sensitive, I'm not tired, feel the urge to pee even if I don't have to, and I am still somewhat aroused. I usually give up cause I get so frustrated. I am thinking too hard about it. I can only have a decent O with a vibrator, and even then as the O gets stronger, my clit feels over stimulatated...I feel like I might explode and I back off. Sounds silly, but I feel as if it is too much for my body. It's not like uphoria, it is too tense and strong. 3 times I've been able to keep going with the vibrator and hang in there past that oversensitive feeling in my clit, and I cum fluid in spurts.
I've never had very strong orgasms during intercourse or oral sex. I can get small short orgasms where I tighten and have a little fluttering feeling, but no pulsing or deep rush, then it just fades away before it has a chance to develop into a full O. Is it all in my head? I can't help focusing on thinking "almost there, almost there!" I can't seem to get off unless I'm alone, and even then it takes so much focus, and its not a "pulsing orgasm"!!! What am I doing wrong?!?!
thank you - my experience eactly! someone please answer us - what are we doing wrong? how do we stil our thoughts and do we aim to get past he uncomfortable bit or what? a blow-by-blow account please!? kittikatt
I am so relieved to see this thread - My fiance and I have been having this problem as well - Only 2 orgasms in 2 years, and I always feel like i'm not doing my job right - But this has NEVER been an issue with other women - my fiance just seems to be having a difficult time with it - We recently began using a dildo with the rabbit clit tickler and this ALWAYS works for her - I just wish I could be the one doing it - DOes anyone know if they make a rabbit cockring thats also fairly hight powered? It seems that only the strong vibrations work - lesser vibration does not work......
i had a rabbit but that didn't do it - the clit tickler didnt seem to be consistent enough - can your fiance please tell us what she does/thinks about/feels? it would really help...thanks! - its kittikatt, but I cant remember my login! lol
Hello to most of your questions the only thing I can say is stop thinking. Your mind is your worst enemy. I, too, like all you women start thinking, "oh man this is taking to long my poor husband is tired and probably can't breath."(oral sex) Then it takes me forever to cum. When I relax, and think of any sexual thought I instantly get in the mood and am able to cum. Prop a pillow under your lower back that helps. You need to feel in control. And if you are tightin up and stopping the orgasm then you aren't experiencing a full orgasm. Again you need to find a way of stopping the interferring thoughts and control the sensation you are having. I believe it is all in the mind. You have to feel sexy, think sexy, and act sexy. Focus on yourself and let the feeling come. Don't over analyze it and over react in your mind when it doesn't happen. The most important thing is to RELAX.
The best thing to do is to consume some type of aphrodisiac. Have a piece of dark chocolate about 20minutes before intercourse. Also, I give my girlfriend a full body rub, with oil. This will get her blood running through her body and it will result in a very intense orgasm.
Also, while having sex move around a lot, get your body hot..it will allow you to cum.
I have the same problem, I have yet to have the big O with my man. Ever! No man has ever brought me to such heights of pleasuse. I can do this on my own and I want so much to exprience this with my partner( who is an excellent lover) he wants to feel me cum on him and I just can't, so I fake it and feel really bad when I do,Help what can we do, we try all types of positions, and oral is not an isssue. I just want to exprience my man making me cum, over and over at least once. Help my fingers are tired! smile
ah, but lucky you manages an orgasm on your own, at least! is it ok if I ask you some very basic questions about what it feels like when you do? Not being wierd, but I really only remember having one full one, years ago, and now i just get so far... and need to have an incredibly frank discussion to see what I need to do or not do to finish the job! is that ok? I will provide a personal e-mail addy if you like... but as this forum is for this purpose - maybe it would help others also...
as for not being able to achieve one with your man... I too can't even get the 'rush' with mine - even if i play with myself in his presence - mind thing, I guess... and I am guilty of faking it too and wish to hell I never had. kittikatt
I just discovered this site today. I have NEVER experienced an orgasm. I'm reading about how some of you have had at least one. I know you want more obviously, but trust me I would give anything to have ONE. I've been married to wonderful man for 14 years. We have great chemistry and love making love, but I have never been able to get there. I am a worrier and I've never been able to totally relax about the whole issue. I fear I will live my life without ever having the experience I so long for. I'm a busy mother of two and haven't made time to get to know my own body. I worried about it for years, and I'm almost at the point of giving up. I almost feel silly touching myself, but I suppose I have to start on my own first. I appreciate all of the helpful hints out there. I'll keep reading and hopefully learning.
welcome aboard, new anonymous person! I hope somehow we can help each other, through open talk about our experiences, feelings and worries, to reach the allusive 'O'... maybe playing and exploring your own body will help - I feel funny trying self-foreplay, thats for sure! lol. Usually I just get straight to the point with some visual or story aids... and maybe thats why I don't get all the way with my orgasm... hmm I'll give it a go too... can i ask if you have ever faked it with your hubby? I'm asking because I have fakd it with my boyfriend and wish to hell I hadn't ... but it used to bug him ... early in our relationship I was worried he'd move on because of it! (dumb) - and so now he thinks I find it not-too-difficult and puts less effort/time in than I really need - and I feel guilty for faking it! The tangled webs we weave... anyway, good luck with the self exploration... kittikatt
This is not meant to sound sarcastic in any way, but it really makes me sad to read all these stories of women, who obviously have wonderful, caring partners that are willing to go to any lengths to give them pleasure, only to have them never (or very infrequently) experience an orgasm. That isn't a problem that I have ever experienced....on the contrary, I probably fall somewhere on the other end of the spectrum, that being slightly oversensitive and requiring only an average amount of stimulation to achieve orgasm.
You definitely can't be thinking about time, or focusing so much on the outcome. Relax, and just lose yourself in the sensations and open yourself to the enjoyment your partner is getting from giving you pleasure. Full body massage is very nice, to get the blood flowing. Definitely explore your body and masturbate to feel what's good for you. And don't be afraid to share it with your partner when they hit a "hot spot"....nothing turns my man on more than hearing me say "Oh yeah, baby right there, just like that" or something to that effect. Communicating your needs and desires are extremely important, for your pleasure and your partners. If you're in a long term, committed relationship, start playing around with fantasies....role playing, bondage, domination, etc. You may come across something that just gets you so hot to think about or to have done to you, you will get to the point where cumming every time won't be a problem. I explored my fantasies with my husband, and without divulging too much, I found something that I love to watch while he is orally pleasuring me that brings me to orgasm every time in minutes. And believe me, if you had told me a year ago that this particular thing would get me off like that, I would have called you a perv. But there you go.
Oh, and one last thought. About vibrators....you really have to go kind of easy on them. I don't have any scientific evidence to back this up, but it is my personal opinion that overuse of vibrators leads to a decrease in sensitivity. I mean, no mans tongue can ever go as fast or hard as a vibrator, so it stands to reason that if you use one a lot, particularly on high speeds, eventually, it will take a monumental effort to make you orgasm. I used to use vibrators, but I could never find one that didn't make me go numb before I could cum, so I stopped using them forever. I have no problems orgasming now, and not that my man doesn't have prodigious tongue talent, but I really feel that not abusing my clit with a vibrator when I masturbate has kept my sensitivity level higher. But, like I said, that's just my opinion. If it gets you off, then by all means, do it. Just be aware that it may be affecting your orgasm-ability when you're with your partner.
does anyone know how to have a squirting orgasm? i've heard of them but don't know if it's possible for everyone? can anyone provide any insight on this?
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(This comment has been slightly edited due to graphic language.)
Anonymous said...
YAY! something I CAN do! - even tho I can't achieve a 'regular' orgasm, my man is able to help me squirt... here's how... when I'm all aroused we go missionary for a bit and when I'm obviously having a great time, he withdraws, still kneeling between my (very spread)legs, and kind of 'wanks' his penis against my vagina, making sure the pressure is as hard as possible (and comfortable), rubbing the length of my slit. (sorry about the graphic talk but this is how one learns!) Every now and then he will insert for a couple of 'pumps' but then back to the outside stimulation. Its got to be fast and furious, the length of me and including my clit. I feel a buildup of pressure inside me and just relax. Feel the feeling and do it anyway! Allow anything to happen. (You won't pee - make sure if you like by going to the loo right before sex) ... I find this almost always makes me squirt. And if he keeps going I can keep squirting for longer (getting splashed). The sensation is nowhere near like an orgasm, but as I have only had one of them and lots of near misses, its at least an achievement! good luck - enjoy! ... and when you get a moment, can you please tell me the exact sensations of your orgasm from when you know its on the way, to finish? It could help me have one... thanks. kittikatt.
hi guys and girls, until I met my new partner, the only full orgasms I experienced I gave to myself and I did feel the rush everytime. This might not work for all of you but it certainly does for me. The pubic bone just before it meets the outer lips at the top is very sensitive. I always reach orgasm by pressing on this at this point and with quite alot of pressure. The best position is to lie on your stomach as your weight adds extra pressure. Use 2 hands, one on top of the other just to one side of the top lips. Move your body up and down very slightly and you should start to feel waves coming. Some of you might get an orgasm straight away some may take a bit longer. Don't be afraid of what you are going to feel and go with what your body wants. Your body should shake as you are cuming and you should be short of breath when you have finished with a feeling of euphoria aswell. My new partner loves the fact that I share my own sexual experiences with him and loves to watch me. This will allow your partners to learn what you do to yourselves and will help you reach orgasm if he knows how you do it. My partner has learned about my body by watching me and what I do and it is a huge turn on for both of us. At first with him I was just like you girls were, I wouldn't go past the point, it was too much. Then one night, he wouldn't let me stop him and boy am I glad I didn't. We regularly now have about 2hrs of foreplay with me reaching at least 4 orgasms during this time, before going to have more during intercourse. One night I reached 18 orgasms and couldn't walk the next day as my legs were not my own (lol). Taking your time is the best thing to do, don't rush it as this puts you off. As for squirting, we recently purchased a bullet vibrator with multiple settings and one with removable covers (it's best without). The best thing to do is have plenty of lube as it can be irritating if you get too sensitive, taking your time and playing with the bullet all over the vagina get the blood flow going to the clitoris. he then uses his thumb to pull back the clithood and with up and down and side to side movements and varying amounts of pressure brings me to orgasm sometimes multiple ones. We then continue past the orgasm and this always ends in me squirting, (it's not pee, type in female ejaculation on google to find out more). This didn't happen until I relaxed and learned to stop holding back. If you would like to know anymore then please leave your comments and we wish you all the best of luck, Pat and Jo, x. P.S let me know how you got on.
To Pat and Jo, THANK YOU!!!!!
I really appreciate your candid and open response to our questions! I'm going to try exactly what you describe - but I have two or three questions first... Firstly - the position on your front - do you mean you play for a while first in any position and then 'assume' this one? or are you able to have an orgasm quickly just in that one position. Secondly - when your man went past that 'too much' stage of clitoral stimulation - how could you stand it and what were the sensations like that followed, right up to your orgasm? And lastly - What do you think right before you come? (its my head that seems to get in the way).
Again - thank you so much. You have really answered me and I can't wait till bedtime! I'll keep you posted... Kittikatt X
Hi Kittikatt
I'm going to try my best to answer your questions for you and hopefully be able to get to the point and over. here goes.... When I use this position I can orgasm pretty much straight away but it can be done in any position, sitting up , lying on your front or even standing. When you play around with yourself do you get a nice tingly feeling? If so the feeling you get by pressing on the spot on your pubic bone is not much different, just alot stronger, (look up mound of venus) on google to find out exactly where it is. I don't just press down without doing anything else, tensing my legs up and holding my breath to push down into it as i'm pressing helps so much. I continue to apply the pressure until the feeling of it's too much starts and then I press and tense my legs harder so that I go over the point. Like I said this may not work for everyone but it is possible for every woman to give herself an orgasm just by tensing her inner thigh muscles together and squeezing her legs together, There's so many different ways a woman can orgasm, and I know and can do quite a few. As for pat going past the the 'too much' stage, up until he did I was scared to go further as it felt like my clit was going to explode and didn't know what I was going to feel. I used to stop him on loads of occasions but one night he refused point blank not to and the whole of me down there was tingling for hours after. When he first starts to use the bullet, he does it very slowly just round my clit (in circular motions) on the lowest setting as vibe to clit stimulation is too much at first. he then starts to move it from side to side over my clit slowly and this gets the blood rushing to it even more. The muscles at the top of my legs start to shake in comparison of the speed he is going. The faster or slower he uses the bullet, the faster or slower my legs shake, this is where the waves start coming in. They get stronger as we keep going. I tend to hold my breath and slowly let it out as this makes the waves stronger for me. If it starts to become too intense, i'll ask him to slow down and use less pressure then that way I can build up to my orgasms at a comfortable pace. Sometimes your whole body shakes aswell. When i'm ready to go past the 'too much' the rush and body contractions and intense feelings all seem to rush down towards my clit and then I go over that stage. This is very intense and don't be afraid of going past this stage as this is the start of your full orgasm. As for what I think I don't know really, I think of whats happening and what I can feel and just go with it. My body takes over my mind. Sorry if I seem a bit too forward with this bit but it will help your partner to know if he's doing it right. To help him with starting off, open your outer lips for him exposing your clit. Get him to put lots of lube all over your bits, and as he starts to use the vibe he should watch the muscles in your opening to see if they are moving in time with the speed he is using it. This is how you both should know if the waves are starting as your leg muscles should be doing the same. The more pressure that is used and the faster he speeds up will determine when the body muscles will start to do the same. Try your best to not think about getting there too much and go with what you are feeling. Don't put yourselves under pressure to get it straight away as this will spoil it and if it is too intense for you at first then practise it and try to go on with it a bit longer each time as this will build your resistance to the 'too much' feeling and you will get there. Good luck and keep us posted and again if you have anymore questions then feel free to leave them and we will help as much as we can, Pat and Jo xxxx.
Hi Kittikatt,
It's Jo and Pat here how are you doing? Did our last message answer or quetions for you and help in anyway? let us know when you get a chance, x.
Hi Guys (Pat and Jo),
I'm in New Zealand - not sure where int he world you are - and about to hit the sack to try your suggestions! tehe... wish me luck...
Your help has been awesome - youa re frank and honest and I'm really grateful - your were NOT too forward - I need to have someone who will be that open with me. I get the rush which I know is RIGHT BEFORE a full blown orgasm easily too so your ideas about using my breath and so-on might just get me there - I know its just a matter of learning what to do to tip me over... funny too - my man gets my thighs shaking and I have always done evrything in my power to stop that coz it seems so silly! lol - lst time I stop THAT!!!
Have a lovely day, or night, or whatever you are heading into - I'm happy to give you my private e-mail addy if you like... Kittikatt
Hi kittikatt
we are in England and it's 9:45am and we wish you good luck and goodnight keep us posted hun and yep if you want to give us your private e-mail addy that's fine hun. Speak to you soon, Pat and Jo, xxxx.
Hi Pat and Jo,
Its 11.50pm here and I just checked my e-mails as I was about to turn out the light. I've been playing for a while... closer, but still 'no cigar' as they say - but I think part of it was that I'm a little bristly! lol my private e-mail addy is kathi-j@hotmail.com.
Kittikatt X
Ok, after reading the entire list of comments, I thought I should leave mine. I have never had vaginal O, but have experienced clitoral O several times myself. With my boyfriends I have faked it and never felt good about it....maybe it was all in the mind.
I started getting curious about the O's that I was having and started searching the web when I saw this site.
I use a water faucet, and discovered this totally by accident. I use the pressure of a water faucet on the clitoris gently at first, increasing the pressure as I like it and slowly feel the rush building. As it peaks, almost all the muscles in my body convulse and I feel a little short of breath. I used to feel guilty after the experience before, but now I feel relieved and good after it. I suppose all that sexual tension gets released. I think all women out there, really wanting an O should try this method. Don't think women need anything to go in them to get an O ;) Rgds Ribbit
Hi. I'm new to this site. I can totally relate to your dilemma. My thoughts so easily get in the way as well, although I have no problem on my own.
Some tips for you though:
Practice when you are alone and are sure you will have no interruptions. Try touching and stroking your clit back and forth wiht the flap of skin pulled over your clit if it seems too sensitive. Try to get into a steady rhythm, using your pubic bone to provide resistance as you press against your clitoris with your finger. When you feel something happening, like you've netered into a deeper phase, getting closer to orgasm, try holding your breath and pushing your hips down against the bed. It helps me just to imagine what everything looks like, and how it feels when I have a penis pushing deep inside me.
When I am about to climax, I first feel it in the soles of my feet or behind my knees. Then it's a wave like sensation moving over my body. When the full force fo the orgasm comes, My vagina is throbbing and pulsing, and then I push something inside, my fingers or anything else that's comfortable. Having the pressure of somethign inserted increases the sensation when my vagina is still throbbing. If I keep stroking gently as I come down, often I can feel a second wave, and have additonal orgasms. I have had four or five within just a few minutes, many times.
Sad to say thoguh, that I rarely experience orgasm with my partner as I feel too pressured, like it's taking too long, or liek you say, my thoughts get in the way.
thanks for your advice and for sharing your experiences with us and welcome aboard! One question - do you mean lying on your front or back? (you mention pushing your hips down and I wasn't sure which way up...lol)
I'm home from work sick so if I can summons up the energy I'll have (yet another) go... wish me luck!
when I did have my one-and-only orgasm, 5 years ago, it was amazing and it will be so awesome to be able to have that again -and again - and even again!
another question - do your arms/hands get tired? especially nearing an orgasm? that happens to me and is often responsible for bringing my mind back to reality..darn it.
Kittikatt
Hi kittikatt, jo and pat here love sorry to hear your sick hun, hopefully you will feel better soon,if there's anything else you want to know about, just ask hun. And welcome new anonymous, I too have been lucky enough to experience several orgasms within a few minutes thanks to my partner though. I used to think about how long it took aswell but he's so patient with me and will always make sure I orgasm before he does. (Send a private email when you get a chance). Pat and Jo.
Hi Pat and Jo, I'll be in touch again soon... work, illness, kids teenage dramas have all taken their toll... still no cigar in the orgasm arena, but partly coz I have been doing the same things - too tired to change it! lol. Jeff is being very very attentive though so I'm getting closer with him... I'm so glad we have this site! its great to have new people pop in and get into this intriguing subject with us!
One new observation - the 'rush' I get is intense as hell (yummy tho and lasts only 5-10 seconds with no gush, but a solid tightening of my inner vagina with a pulse near the opening) and makes my clit too sensitive to go near - but its localised and doesn't go off like a wave up my body - do you girls get that? my one complete orgasm did the body wave thing... kittikatt X
Hi kittkatt. This is Ann here. I have had the same feeling that you described, very localized and my clit gets super sensitive in a bad way. The best orgasms that Ive ever has are the full body ones...I wish I could get those every time!!! Sooooooo frustrating! Those are rare and have happened when I've been totally relaxed and more into enjoying the ride versus getting to the destination.
Hi Anne, its kittikatt
yeah, thats where i go wrong i think - too focussed on getting there - despite trying to kid myself it doesn't matter - and i have to admit now - my relationship is not wonderful in other areas. i have come to realise my man is emotionally illiterate and the only affection he verbalises is asked for by me. we have been together 18months and i'm at that awful place of wondering if I need to give up and search for someone to meet ALL my needs...I don't think he is responsible for my orgasm issue - but i think I need to feel totally loved and adored and valued.....does anyone have that??.
Hi kittikatt, it's Jo and Pat again. We've just read your last post and really feel for you hun. Once again, until I met Pat, I too had orgasm issues and never felt the full body ones until Pat gave them to me. I feel totally loved, adored, valued and wanted aswell for who I am. I think unless you are totally relaxed with the person your with, you will find it hard to get there, maybe talk this through with him and find out what to do next. Pat tells me how much he loves and adores me everyday and before I met him my other partners were also verbally illerate and only said "I love you" when they wanted something. Pat asks for nothing from me but my love and i'm the same and now i'm lucky enough to feel absolutely fantastic when we are in bed together (or wherever takes the fancy). He feels so nice when he has given me pleasure and if I ask for more, I get it, sometimes I don't need to ask, he just knows I want more. The satisfaction he gets from giving me that pleasure makes him feel like he's had several orgasms himself and we cuddle up and go to sleep, or continue with other things and pleasuring him, but he doesn't always want or need to have it. It's hard to explain how he feels but i've never met a man like him and couldn't ask for a better one. He actually looks forward to me wanting 'sex' and his mouth waters when I mention oral sex!! I've never known another man like him, he is fascinated by what women do to give themselves pleasure as he wants to know more about how to please me and loves the fact that I share my own personal moments with him. I have never let out my secrets or masturbated in front of previous partners cause they thought I was replacing them or prefered what I did to myself compared to what they did and I never dared mention the fact that they never made me cum!! There would have been ruptions!! Sad or what? So if any guys out ther are visiting this site and reading our stories, watch your girls and see what they do and this will help you in a huge way. And girls don't be afraid to ask your partners to watch you, it's amazing.
Bye for now, Love Pat and Jo xxx.
Hi Pat and Jo , (and whoever else reads this, lol). Thanks for your post. I talked to Jeff yesterday about my relationship needs and he has said he does want 'us', so will work on it. When he rang me tonight, however, he didn't say anything different...no 'I love you' - so I said it first again...bugger.
The thing is, I know he loves me but its just that he doesn't tell me! and he loves sex, but he's always tired and can live without it so its always me who ends up initiating it!
I handle it for a while, safe in my knowledge of his love, and hopefull coz he has improved over time, but then I get upset and tired of always being the one to light the sparks - and on it goes...
He's just one of those guys who is so content with a simple existence that passion takes a back seat - but I'm a passionate person with a dash of insecurity and I need these basic things in my relationship - especially the un-asked-for verbal and physical demonstrations of love and affection.
Jeff finally got it today when I told him that if he was to grab me into a hug and tell me 'You're my woman!' it would make my day. He finally got that its ok to claim me. That I need him to claim me. So we will see.
Now that I have finally been honest and told him I was faking orgasms he's been really attentive - but I still can't get there with him, and only to the rush with me. I'm closer though and he's persistent in the best possible way. I have found that tensing the muscles in my thighs and butt, almost squeezing them together and pressing my hips down when I'm close is great (thanks, Anne!!)
When i get there on my own i'm going to be more than happy to show Jeff how I get there, Jo! He likes to watch me...
Jo and Pat, you are gems... I'll chat to you soon... wish me luck for tonight! (wink)
Kittikatt
Hi Kittikatt, sorry we havent been in touch much lately, we have been really busy with work and kids etc. Let us know the next time you want to go online on live messenger and we can get online and have a chat ok hun, take care love jo and pat xxxx.
HI Pat and Jo, you and me both (busy with work and kids etc)! I'm online now for a while... but its unlikely that you are I think - its about 3am or something where you are! lol
Maybe its better if you let me know when you are online coz I'm possibly able to be more flexible at the mo... looking forward to chatting, XXX Kittikatt
Hi Kittikatt, it's pat and jo here. Long time no messages, lol. How are you? Please get in touch soon either by email or on the blog, speak soon hun, love pat and jo xxxx
Hello Kittikatt,
We not been on the site much lately, we sure are busy people but still find our time for sex. it's better than ever lately, how are you getting on hun? Any cigar yet?
My sister has been reading our messages and said she too can't get over the too much stage and so she is taking on board all out comments and trying them,
Get in touch when you can hun ok, we miss being in contact with you, love Pat and Jo xxx
Hi Guys! your e-mail just came through - are you there now? fancy a catchup on MSN?
I'm glad your sister is taking this all in - its a relief to know I'm not the only one - still no cigar. we had our 2 year anniversary last night - love is grand - and it was soooo close - he's very talented with his fingers...and I have had lovely shudering 'non-orgasms' - more intense and emotional than anything else - but not physical past the damn wall that stops me. interesting - Jeff does things that get me right to the edge but not to the too much stage - thats when its just me and my big blue frind, affectionately nicknamed 'Hercules' lol. With Jeff its wonderful, electric, nearly there - but then I can't get past it so I tend to demand cock after a while...lol. anyway - I would love to MSN chat - I'll send you an invitation to join as a contact now...miss you too!!! Kathi XX
Hi Kittikatt, and anyone else who reads these blogs,
It's pat and jo here hun, how are you? Any cigar yet? Our sex life is still really great and we are trying new things, let us know if you got any more questions about anything hun, get in touch, luv pat and jo xxx
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