Security is Key

I ran across the Female Orgasm personal stories section and wanted to share mine, particularly as I am a woman who has experienced difficulty achieving orgasms in the past.

I am soon to be 30 years old and have had an active sex life since I was 18. In those twelve years, I never knew how deep a connection I could make with a partner. Basically, I was going through the motions. I enjoyed sex, but I rarely (if ever) achieved orgasm through intercourse. As for oral, I did not even know to anticipate orgasm until I'd done it for a couple years. It's like I was in an orgasmic fog! I would engage in sexual activity but not expect or achieve orgasm. The first time was from oral, and it was excellent. From there, orgasms came fairly easy with oral stimulation. Intercourse was still a far cry. It would take another 9 years before I was able to regularly achieve orgasms.

In looking back, my previous sexual encounters were with guys for which I had not substantial feelings. I had several short-lived relationships, never been in love. I had a problem with trusting men because of my childhood and issues growing up. In my current relationship, I am with someone who truly loves me and accepts me for me. There is nothing I can't share with him. I never question his love for me, and I know I am emotionally secure with him. In this environment, I am able to relax and go with the flow. I don't focus on having an orgasm. I just enjoy us being together, and nine times out of ten, it happens!

To make a long story short (too late!), I now believe a woman must feel positively secure in her relationship to "lose control" and experience orgasm. She also must relax and not TRY but pay attention to how her body feels. If it feels good, go with it for a while. If not, switch it up! Just have fun and enjoy sharing the intimate moments with your special partner.

Good luck!
TJ

Faking It

My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years and have in the past enjoyed a very healthy sex life. A few months ago, whenever sex was initiated, we would start to kiss and engage in some foreplay, but I would then become very disinterested and we would have to stop. When we would engage in intercourse, I would not experience an orgasm and would have to “fake it”. I started to believe that maybe I was not attracted physically to my boyfriend anymore and it left me very anxious. I could tell it bothered him too and it was putting serious tension in our otherwise wonderful relationship. We began to fight daily over insignificant issues.

One night, after a particularly bad argument which left us both in tears, I suggested seeing a sex therapist. Since we have started therapy, we have found out a lot about ourselves and have examined our feelings for each other. It has improved our sex life enormously. With a comfortable and honest forum to discuss our feelings, I discovered the real reason why I was having sexual problems. At the time, my sister was going through a messy divorce and custody battle; the therapist said that my seeing my sister in so much pain was subconsciously hindering my ability to trust Craig. We were astounded. I had known that I was stressed about my sister’s marital troubles, but I had no idea it was affecting me so profoundly. Not only did our sex therapist help resolve the issue at hand, but she also gave us some helpful techniques and tips to avoid other similar situations in the future.

Sara